Hangover

Well, I’m about to stop keeping sleep logs because they are so boring. I rock and sing to him, he fusses a little then relaxes, I put him in the crib, he cries a little and then turns over, maybe fusses for two more minutes, and he’s asleep. (I’ve lengthened his wake times a little, and I think it helps. His naps have also gotten a bit shorter, maybe because he’s finally caught up on sleep a bit.)

He’s usually up around 4 or 5am for a feed, and that’s OK by me.

I’m so glad it’s all working out.

But now that we’re not in Emergency Mode — now that I no longer have to be a rock to get the family through something emotionally so tough but necessary — I had a little bit of a feelings overload. I couldn’t bear to put him in the crib when he fell asleep on the play room mattress with his hand holding onto my fuzzy robe. He looked so serene and happy on his back in this cozier place. Ahmed finally moved him at 9:20 and he woke up and would not go back to sleep until I nursed and rocked him again. Poor guy.

I happened to wake around 8:20am and see him awake in his crib, though I couldn’t hear his little grunts.

He is so precious. I miss him in our bed so much.

But I feel human again, and he’s getting the sleep he needs.

But I miss him when he’s not in our room.

But I am better able to be present with the cuddles we do have instead of kind of resenting them and getting tired of them after a while. Such sweet cuddles.