So my coordinator gave me the option to switch to a frozen cycle (same embryo profile), but it wouldn’t be until August.
A part of me is so resistant to that — I so badly want to get this show on the road — and the doctor thinks it’s just fine to be on Lupron for an extra week (in stasis, basically — the nurse says no one ever ovulates through it), and the egg donor is still scheduled (even though she was also scheduled at the earlier dates, and look how that turned out). Plus the nurse said no embryos would be guaranteed. They wouldn’t be guaranteed on a fresh cycle, either, but somehow I think I’ll get a worse deal if I’m the one with the leftovers instead of one of the fresh cyclers.
But — and I know this is totally silly — I got a silver snowflake charm in my Christmas cracker last year, which I took as some kind of sign that I’d end up with a frozen cycle. It’s just a silly cheap little ornament, and my writer’s mind is always trying to find meaning everywhere, even where none exists.
And I’m coming around to the idea that hopefully the med change will be fine and everything will work out and let’s just get this over with.
But I’ve rushed into things before, and nothing has ever worked out, so I’m feeling kind of paralyzed but also like I’m just being paranoid based on the past…
Ugh, every part of this is always so exhausting.