You all know how excited we are to move forward, but we are really torn about the profile we got today. It has a lot to recommend it. The coloring is right (more or less — two half-Mexican donors), health history is great, both like soccer, the egg donor is crazy about her own kids (and graduated from high school a year early), and the sperm donor loves to backpack and travel. Both are proven donors — she has three kids and his product has resulted in at least one live birth.
She’s tiny — 5’2″ — and he’s only an inch taller than me at 5’7″. My husband is 6’1″. But that’s fine with both of us. Height isn’t that important. (Lionel Messi is 5’7″, and so is Gael Garcia Bernal.)
But it doesn’t really “speak” to us. They’re both about 24 and neither really did college (yet), and a lot of their answers are brief, generic, like they didn’t put much thought into it. (I imagine myself as a donor filling the form out so carefully, knowing what a huge deal it will be for someone, how comforting it might be for them to know a little about me.)
My husband says his instinct is to pass. He just doesn’t “click” with it. Our previous profile gave us a much better sense of the donors, and he liked their answers / vibe / personality much better.
I’m not totally stuck on this profile, but there’s no guarantee the next one will be any improvement, or even when we might get the next one. This may be our high water mark for a while.
And of course, it’s always such a lottery anyway… DNA is a very unpredictable thing.
And this is not a deciding factor at all, but just a fact: If I take this profile, I’ll miss the Roger Waters concert on our fourth wedding anniversary. Though I suppose it’ll be even more memorable to get knocked up on that date…
It’s such a HUGE decision, it can be overwhelming and hard to find the right perspective. Whether to be choosy for the sake of our kids or “take the money and run.”
I’m really torn. Should I struggle to convince him, or just go with his instinct (and go see Roger Waters)?
How the hell are we supposed to choose who our future children are going to be on a random Tuesday night? (We only have 24 hours to decide… no pressure or anything…) Not to mention, they might not end up being children at all. I might just be choosing another heartbreaking miscarriage.
Last time it was easier somehow. We just jumped into it. And it didn’t work out. This time we’re both kind of skittish and freaked out. It’s something you can’t really process. We just have to either make the leap (as nearly everyone who’s gone through the program is advising us on Facebook) or go with our gut and hang back. I have no idea how to decide.
EDIT: In the end I came around to it, even though there is a part of me that wants to hang back. There’s no logical reason for it, it’s just an instinct. But my husband didn’t feel right, and I certainly don’t want to drag him into something he doesn’t feel right about. So, for better or worse, we’re back on the waiting list.
For the record, these are our requests (not REQUIREMENTS, just guidelines / druthers): Donors with normal / average health histories, normal BMI (this can affect egg quality), average or tall height (at least one), and Mediterranean / olive / Hispanic features (at least one). Some aptitude for math or science would be a bonus but no big deal. And of course more nebulous things like feeling some tiny kindred spark with at least one donor is taken into account but not any kind of deal breaker.
Pointedly, it seems, my coordonator emailed back warning it would likely take one to three months — or more — before we get another.
I’ve heard horror stories of people waiting six months or more.
Hoping for the best but feeling a bit downhearted. But also a little bit cautiously hopeful. Like maybe we’ll have to wait a few more months, but then it will feel right and it might finally go right.