We grieved hard for a couple of days, let it pass through us, and we’re excited and optimistic about our next try. I’m glad to be able to play soccer again, finish my last two ballet classes that I’ve already paid for, and otherwise stop being such an overly-cautious, sedentary lazy butt. (It’s been too cold for our sunset walks by the river, and I feel weird just marching in place in the apartment.)
It’s also nice to have wine with dinner, and it feels so awesome not to be on progesterone anymore. I feel five years younger. (It’ll be so worth it if it works at some point. But for now it’s a silver lining to be off that crap.)
And if there’s one thing I’m (apparently) good at, it’s my uterus taking care of business when things aren’t going right. Both miscarriages have been remarkably quick and relatively painless. Not something I ever wanted to put on my resume, but at least something is doing what it should. Hopefully if I ever get a good-quality embryo in there, it’ll be awesome at actually growing a baby as well.
I bought some pregnancy tests to make sure my hCG levels are going down appropriately. (A bit of a mindf**k to suddenly be hoping for negative pregnancy tests.) If it stays elevated it could mean there’s still some stuff up in there, or even an undetected ectopic somewhere. Unlikely, but this is an easy way to check and put the mind at ease.
I’ll ask tomorrow what the next steps are if I want to try again as quickly and safely as possible. Any advice or stories will be appreciated. How quickly did you do another transfer after a miscarriage, if that’s been a part of your experience?
EDIT: It was harder than I thought getting that beautiful dark positive pregnancy test of my dreams only to know it’s an illusion and hope it disappears soon. There should be some of these just called “hCG tests,” not “pregnancy tests.” Ah well.