Doing Pretty Good

We grieved hard for a couple of days, let it pass through us, and we’re excited and optimistic about our next try. I’m glad to be able to play soccer again, finish my last two ballet classes that I’ve already paid for, and otherwise stop being such an overly-cautious, sedentary lazy butt. (It’s been too cold for our sunset walks by the river, and I feel weird just marching in place in the apartment.)

It’s also nice to have wine with dinner, and it feels so awesome not to be on progesterone anymore. I feel five years younger. (It’ll be so worth it if it works at some point. But for now it’s a silver lining to be off that crap.)

And if there’s one thing I’m (apparently) good at, it’s my uterus taking care of business when things aren’t going right. Both miscarriages have been remarkably quick and relatively painless. Not something I ever wanted to put on my resume, but at least something is doing what it should. Hopefully if I ever get a good-quality embryo in there, it’ll be awesome at actually growing a baby as well.

I bought some pregnancy tests to make sure my hCG levels are going down appropriately. (A bit of a mindf**k to suddenly be hoping for negative pregnancy tests.) If it stays elevated it could mean there’s still some stuff up in there, or even an undetected ectopic somewhere. Unlikely, but this is an easy way to check and put the mind at ease.

I’ll ask tomorrow what the next steps are if I want to try again as quickly and safely as possible. Any advice or stories will be appreciated. How quickly did you do another transfer after a miscarriage, if that’s been a part of your experience?

Thanks!

EDIT: It was harder than I thought getting that beautiful dark positive pregnancy test of my dreams only to know it’s an illusion and hope it disappears soon. There should be some of these just called “hCG tests,” not “pregnancy tests.” Ah well.

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7 thoughts on “Doing Pretty Good

  1. I remember the time after a loss and before another cycle that could very much finally be ‘the one’ as oddly precious and poignant. The no progesterone surging, the wine buzz, your husband close by it all reminds you life is good even when it is bad. Your uterus does sound pretty remarkable. My losses ended in a zero beta within two weeks. Xo

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  2. Hi Pamela, I’ve been following recently via Don’t Count Your Eggs and am really sorry for this failed transfer. It’s so difficult and only those who have gone through it truly understand. It’s good you’re gathering info and moving on to the next try. I never had a miscarriage, rather nine embryos transferred that didn’t implant. The ninth was our first “adopted” embryo. We did ESET because it was such good quality, thanks to the original egg donor, and we knew the babies might be big. But even though the prognosis was good it didn’t work. We traveled many miles again and transferred two embryos about seven weeks after our failure, so as soon as possible I think. We were determined now that our embryo donation path was chosen and it sounds like you feel the same. (Whereas we took a lot of time off between each of our own failed IVFs.) We had twins for about 8 weeks and then lost one. Our beautiful son was big indeed, weighing 9 pounds 11 ounces. So I hope it’s the second time for you too!

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    1. Three transfers so far, one negative, two blighted ovums / miscarriages. It’s been hard enough. Nine? Wow. My hat’s off to you for persevering. Congrats on your beautiful son. I hope we’ll join the parent club soon. Stories like yours give me hope!

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      1. Ah, thank goodness not nine transfers for me rather nine embryos total transferred; twice we had three embryos transferred since not great quality. Anyway if you want to start again asap and doctor agrees I say go for it

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  3. My HCG went down in about 2 weeks as well, and then it took about two to three cycles before we started the next transfer. Each transfer was about 5 months apart. They can be closer in time than that, though, depending on how it all goes. My guilty pleasure was drinking coffee again. I’m glad you can start to do the things that bring you joy during this time. My hat off to Carla for her perseverance! It gives me hope too.

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  4. Glad to hear you’re doing a little better. After our losses, we were able to start the next cycle as soon as HCG reached zero, which took about a week after stopping all meds. After the first loss, it was our choice to do the ERA biopsy instead of a transfer. It’s weird to wish for your period to get there already when you’re waiting to start again – such a contrast to what you’re hoping for while you believe everything is going well with the pregnancy. Hope you continue feeling better!

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  5. I’m glad to hear you are doing well, all things considering. Yea it’s nice to enjoy drinking wine again, being off progesterone and being able to do sports etc. May as well focus on the positives! Great you are feeling optimistic and planning when to transfer again!

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