Cutting My Loss

I think I’m gonna go ahead and give up. When things look this funky this late (plus the wonky beta numbers), it’s usually a problem, and even if we find “something” next week, there’s a good chance we’re just going to drag the heartache out that much longer. The true nightmare scenario is hanging on to hope only to find out in the second trimester that something is seriously wrong. The risk is just too much.

I also kind of had to “talk myself into” this profile, which is great in a lot of ways but not quite what we were looking for. And we certainly would have loved to pieces any baby we were lucky enough to have! But it is kind of nice to think of having another go.

We wanted twins anyway, so… maybe next time we’ll get our perfect babies. Maybe we’ll find that elusive Irish / Swedish / Turkish profile of our dreams.

Also, in my Christmas cracker this year I got a silver snowflake, so maybe that means our embryos are meant to be frozen…

Nope. Stop it. No romanticizing. No searching for symbolizm or meaning. That hasn’t gotten us anywhere. Strictly business from here on out.

(Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a writer. I can’t help it. It does get exhausting, though, when every plot point you plan for never pans out…)

EDIT: Well, as they say, “The lady must have been willing.” I declined to take my progesterone last night, took 2000 mg of vitamin C this afternoon, and the process started within minutes. I think it was ready to go — the progesterone was just holding off the inevitable.


2 thoughts on “Cutting My Loss

  1. The beauty of it is when you finally get to meet your kid(s) it will be the most romantic story you could ever imagine. I am all for you protecting yourself until that day comes- however you need to ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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