I took my progesterone again tonight. I’ve just seen too many stories of women who had one bad ultrasound, and then a week later everything was fine.
I know I shouldn’t go chasing Dr. Internet at times like these. But seriously. Dozens of stories of women being told they were miscarrying and offered an appointment for a D&C, and they declined and went on to have healthy babies. Hundreds. Enough that studies have been done on the birth defects of babies born after their mothers were given the pill to induce a miscarriage after the pregnancy was declared non-viable. It honestly seems irresponsible to be told to stop all meds after just one bad ultrasound this early.
What if the fetal pole was hiding behind the yolk sac? What if it was blending in with the uterine wall? What if it’s small for age and just needs time to catch up? What if he was viewing it end-on, so it looked like a dot? A woman I know said she’s talked with lots of ultrasound techs, and they marvel at “how amazing the growth rate is, and it’s not unusual for one week there to be nothing, and the next week boom, it’s there.”
Their words, not mine!
My RE has been at this for decades, so I feel a bit foolish questioning him. And I hate the thought of wasting even more time (and money) (and emotional energy) if this is hopeless. Which it probably is. Even if it keeps growing, it might not be healthy.
I guess I’ll talk to my RE tomorrow. He just seemed so damn certain. Certain enough to send nothing to California Conceptions except two words: “Non-viable pregnancy.” Not even a picture. Not even a description. CC didn’t even know there was a gestational sac and yolk sac, or what the size was. (He also didn’t tell me what the size was.)
If I wait another week, it’ll cost another $350 for an ultrasound, plus probably add an extra two weeks at least to the time when I can try again. The week of waiting plus at least another week to wait for my hormones to regulate afterwards. The higher they rise, the slower they fall.
And both clinics have told me, in no uncertain terms, to give up. Who the hell am I, in consultation with Dr. Anecdote, to question them? Maybe they are right and I’m just being ridiculous, grasping at straws.
Ugh. I’m so tired of being in limbo. Hopes raised and dashed. Killed and resurrected. I try to trust and then remember times I did trust and shouldn’t have.
I’m so tired.
I should go to bed.