Still in the Game

So, my beta should have been around 182 today for a healthy doubling time of 48 hours. Waiting those 48 hours has not been fun. It’s tough not to know whether to mourn or rejoice. You just feel suspended in a void of dread. Chances were, it would not be good news.

Nonetheless, my pregnancy symptoms decided to ramp themselves up over the past two days, which was either hopeful or cruel. It could have just been all the progesterone I’ve been pumping myself with. After all, I had really strong pregnancy symptoms after my last FET, and it was a straight-up negative.

So in kind of a daze I went for my blood draw, then waited three hours until they called, then drove back to the lab, feeling like I was driving to my own execution. Just thinking how much I’d love to see it at 200 — how much that would put my mind at ease.

And… they handed the paper over… and I looked, my heart about to burst from the strain…

And it was 253. I laughed.

“That’s a really good number,” I said. It means a doubling time of 32 hours.

The nurse (who had drawn my blood three times in the past week and watched me crumple when I got my second beta number) said, “We like to make you smile.”

And for once, I got to call my husband with happy news.

So, we’re back in the game. Not out of the woods — it could be a blighted ovum or ectopic. But there’s also a good chance it might be just fine. (Maybe two embryos implanted, and only one made it.)

Back to the wait, probably for an ultrasound next time… but with a lot more hope in my heart.

It’s funny — most people who get positive pregnancy tests don’t test their beta numbers, and I’m not entirely sure why they tell us to do it when we do assisted reproduction. It’s not like it’s all that predictive. I had fantastic numbers during my previous pregnancy, and it was a blighted ovum. Others have great numbers and find out it’s ectopic. Still others have terrible numbers and end up with a perfectly healthy baby or two.

I really wish this time I hadn’t done it at all. I’d still be in the anxious wait for the ultrasound, but without those two awful pessimistic stressful days in between. I could have just enjoyed this time.

Anyhow. Thanks for being there through it all!


6 thoughts on “Still in the Game

  1. Hooray! Great numbers! I’m excited for you. I’m getting my first beta results today and I’m dreading the call. It’s nice to see some good news every once in a while in this community.


    1. Thank you! So much good luck to you… And (maybe) try not to put TOO much stock in the numbers. Every woman’s body is different, and every pregnancy is different. Still, I hope you get numbers that ease your mind!


  2. Oh my gosh oh my gosh! Crying over here. Still in this and in it very strong. So happy I am not sure what to do with myself. What a beautiful miracle. I know many more hurdles but this one is huge. Xoxo


  3. Oh my goodness, delighted to hear the good news! In Germany they only test your beta once and if it’s positive they tell you to come back in a week for an ultrasound. Even without getting extra blood tests done it’s still a totally stressful time though! I think the first several weeks will probably be the most nerve wracking. Good luck for your first scan. I’m really happy for you x


    1. Yay! The good news is – you’re pregnant! While it may be hard to stay super optimistic, it’s so helpful to allow yourself to celebrate this moment.


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