Small Victories

I’m not gonna comment about America’s hilariously nightmarish political situation right now. (Far more nightmarish than hilarious… but darkly hilarious, too. I really don’t think that guy has any idea what he got himself into.) Friend me on Facebook if you want to read those rants.

But I do have some good news on the babymaking front. We’re going through the preliminary tests and paperwork at California Conceptions, but of course we kept trying naturally “just in case.”

Alas. There was no 11th hour miracle.

And so… We are officially done trying to conceive naturally.

I’m going on birth control pills tonight to shut everything down so we can get our saline ultrasound done in California without worrying about scheduling it on the right day of my cycle and also to be ready to jump directly into an embryo transfer cycle the moment we’re presented with a profile we like.

Yes, there’s a little bit of disappointment. In the movies, the heroes are always saved at the last minute, and I did have a little flame of hope that that would be our story, too. But I had already made peace with the embryo donation route, and what I realized as soon as my last naturally-trying cycle was over was that… there was a lot of relief, too.

Beacuse after forty long month…

I am FREE from charting my temperature every damn morning (and analyzing it every month), FREE from timed sex, FREE from supplements that might help egg quality or hormonal balance or cervical fluid, FREE from ovulation predictor kits, FREE from badgering my husband about taking his vitamins and not cooking his man-parts with hot showers or tight undies, FREE from half my life being “two-week waits” with very little hope (and yet always too much hope)…

If you haven’t been at this for that long, it’s hard to explain how exciting it really is to put it all behind you.

cd15

And we have a 90% chance of having a baby (or two) in the next year, and with healthy young building blocks, a great chance of the bab(ies) being healthy and perfect.

We’ve had hope before, but it was always a dim and cautious hope.

Now, for better or worse, we’re not only hopeful but excited and full of joy.

Hopefully that means we’re finally on the right path.

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